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Orienteering Bloopers

Show Profile  JD Posted: 1 October 2008, 8:49 AM  
At d squad camp once i thought i'd take a shortcut through a small patch of gorse. it soon became apparent that my gorse patch was larger than planned. After about 20 minutes of walking/crawling/bashing around in circles I ended up at a point where i could see open forest a mere 5-7m away. I decided to go for a'saw' stlye run through a few thick gorse bushes to my freedom. I remember sitting waiting to see the deputy headmaster back at school(a month later), to pass the time i was still examining my legs for gorse pricks!

Another time running through waiuku forest down a hill at very high speed out of the start. Suddenly i became very confused as to why i was no longer going forward. I had a brief look to my right, where there was no fence in sight, before being flung backward. It was then that i realised that i had run straight into a two strand fence, the slack allowing me too continue running for two or 3 metres before flinging me back. Would've been a good laugh for the other starters. I ended up with two long dark purple lines surrounded by green bruising covering all of my thigh

Finally my first time in Australia...
My previous encounter with 'impassable cliffs' in NZ involved the 'cliff' at western springs, which is more of a steep slope with rocks on it that is easy to run up/down. anyway so here i am in Australia running straight toward a cliff my plan being to simply jump down. With the cliff edge in sight i made the wise decision to check this thing out instead of going straight for it. I put on the brakes and came skidding to a halt with my toes on the edge. It was classic, just like you would see in a movie with loose stones tumbling off the edge. I peered down to see a decent 5m drop with unused machinery at the base of the cliff. Needless to say at this point I made a swift root choice change.

Show Profile  Claire Paterson Posted: 6 October 2008, 5:18 AM  
Hi Guys,
I am now looking for images that show how "hard-out" orienteering can be sometimes (or the people who do it!) So, if anyone has photos of:
- covered in mud
- covered in scratches
- broken bones
- bloody body/face
- bad bruising
- etcetc
Please email them to me at cpatersonz@hotmail.com
Cheers.

Show Profile  Ellmo1769 Posted: 6 October 2008, 8:42 AM  
Damn man I have bruises from that stupid fence yesterday and a lump on my head and you arent even going to use my footage. That sucks

Show Profile  Claire Paterson Posted: 6 October 2008, 2:40 PM  
I will try to sneek it in somewhere to make it all worth while!


Show Profile  Tane Cambridge Posted: 7 October 2008, 2:31 AM  
Think you might have to come up with something better, like JD, Ellmo like running off a cliff...middle distance Waitangi 07??

Show Profile  ML Posted: 7 October 2008, 1:54 PM  
Sliding off a cliff, head first on your back has more style. (Smedley, Wellington Champs a while back)

Show Profile  Tim Posted: 8 October 2008, 4:41 AM  
Or sliding down a cliff straight into a rather large and prickly gorse bush - Nats middle 08

Show Profile  Bryan Posted: 8 October 2008, 7:43 AM  
Here's an article I wrote a while ago. The cliff and electric fence mentioned in the story below has actually happened to me along with going over my head in a stream/river at least twice unexpectantly and don't mention the instant rebound from running into an unseen waist-high electric live fence.

O Article #27
THE ORIENTEERING POCKET COMPUTER HORROR STORY
---------------------------------------------

By Bryan Teahan

Have you ever been siezed by a certainty - halfway through an event, say, when you try to cross an uncrossable ravine by jumping down to a tree halfway down a cliff and it starts to break apart when you are stranded in the middle - that you've seen it all before?

Or fallen prey to an overwelming sense of deja-vu when stradling an
electric fence with legs on either side and you are slowly sinking into the mud?

Or had an odd premonition when you cross a large river which is suddenly over your head and your map starts floating away from you?

But if you are the sort of person who ends up going Orienteering in the first place, then chances area that overriding all will be the brute compulsion to finish a course, find that next flag, a compulsion to stick with it to the bitter end, to find where the sadistic course setter is going to hide the next control, and to get to the top of the next hill to see what's around the corner. Let's face it, you have to complete the course if it kills you.

Now however, thanks to me, you can do just that, and without wasting
another moment, by employing my remarkable Orienteering Horror Story
Pocket Computer, a copy of which you will find reproduced here. Properly used, the Pocket Computer (PC) can save you hours of unhealthy exposure to the rigours and dangers of an Orienteering course and cut short your course times by at least half. How does it work? Well, take it through a test run and see...

(NB - This looks better when the boxes are drawn in solid lines)

The Orienteering Horror Story Pocket Computer
---------------------------------------------
+---------------+
| The Orienteer |
+---------------+
|
+------------------+---------+----------+-------------+----+
+------|---------++-------|--------++----------|--------++---|--+ |
|has an accident || arrives at an ||misses start due to||misses| |
|on the way to an|| event only to ||injuries from prev-||start | |
|event (DNS) ||find it has been||vious events (DNS) ||(DNS) | |
+----------------++-------|--------++-------------------++------+ |
+-----------+-----+---+ +-----------+
+----|----+ +----|----+ +--|--------+ |
|cancelled| |postponed| |transferred| +--+--+
| (DNS) | | (DNS) | | (DNS) | | has |
+---------+ +---------+ +-----------+ +--|--+
+-------------------------+-------------------+--+
+-------|---------++--------------|--------------++------|--------+
|to contend with a||the misfortune to pick up the||been given the |
+-------|---------++--------------------------|--++------|--------+
+---+---------+------------+-----------+ +------+-+
+---|---+ +-------|-----+ +----|-----+ +---|---+ +---|---+
| cruel | | incompetent | | sadistic | | bingo | | wrong |
+---|---+ +-------|-----+ +----|-----+ +---|---+ +---|---+
+-------------+------+-----+-----------+ +----+---+
| +---------+---+ +--+--+
+-------------+----+ |control | | map |
+---|----+ +-----|---------+ |descriptions | |(DNF)|
| mapper | | course setter | | (DNF) | +-----+
+---|----+ +-----|---------+ +-------------+
| +------------+
| | +----|---+
| | | with a |
| | +----|---+
| | +---------------------+
| | +--------|---------+ +---------|----------+
| | | "let's hide them | | "let's place every |
| | | where they can't | | second control on |
| | | find them" | | the wrong feature" |
| | +--------|---------+ +---------|----------+
| | +----------+----------+
| | +-----|-----+
| | | mentality |
| | +-----|-----+
+-------------+-----------------------+
+-----|--------+
| and the area |
+-----|--------+
+------------------+-----+-----------------+
+-----|---+ +------------|-----+ +---------------|----------------+
|is poorly| | should never have| | is only fit for mountain goats |
|mapped | | been mapped | | and wild bushmen |
+-----|---+ +------------|-----+ +---------------|----------------+
+------------------+---+------------------+
+-----------|----------+
+------->--------| and during the event |---------------<---------+
| +-----------|----------+ |
| +--------------+------+-------+-------------------+--+ |
|+-----|------+ +-----|------+ +-----|--------+ +--------+ | |
||encounters| |gets stuck| |goes through| |gets zapped | | |
||man-eating| |in gorse | |a smelly | |by an electric| | |
||blackberry| +----|-----+ |swamp | |fence | | |
|+-----|------+ | +-----|------+ +--------|-----+ | |
|+-----+-----------+--------------+-------------------+ | |
|| +---------------+---------------+--------------+----+ |
||+-----|-----+ +-------|-----+ +-------|-----+ +------|---------+|
||| is shot at| |the map | |gets attacked| | nearly drowned ||
|||by an irate| |disintegrates| |by a swarm of| | in a flooded ||
||| landowner | |in rain | |bees | | river ||
||+-----|-----+ +-------|-----+ +-------|-----+ +-------|--------+|
|| +---------------+-------+-------+---------------+ |
|+-------------->---------------+ |
+----------------<--------------+ |
+-------------|-----------------------+ |
| and get totally and completely lost | |
+----------------|--------------------+ |
+--+--+ |
| and | |
+--|--+ |
+--------------------------+-------------+--------------+ |
+--|---+ +--------|-----+ | |
| runs | | falls down a | | |
+--|---+ +--------|-----+ | |
+---+--------+---------+ +---------+-----------+ | |
+---|-----+ +----|---+ +---|----+ +--|--+ +----|-----+ +---|---+| |
| off the | | into a | | out of | | pit | | crevasse | | cliff || |
| map | | tree | | steam | +--|--+ +----|-----+ +---|---+| |
+---|-----+ +----|---+ +---|----+ | | | | |
+-+------------+---------+---------+---------+-----------+ | |
| +--------------------------------+----------------+ |
| +-------|--------+ +----|----+ |
| | is chased by a | | suffers | |
| +-------|--------+ +----|----+ |
| +-----+------+--------+ +-----+----------+ |
|+----|------++----|---++---|---++----|--------+ +-----|------+ |
|| ravishing || raging || randy || hypothermia | | heatstroke | |
|| W21E || bull || M40A |+----|--------+ +-----|------+ |
|+----|------++----|---++---|---+ | | |
| +------------+--------+ | | |
| +--------|---------+ | | |
| | who is catching! | | | |
| +--------|---------+ | | |
| +------------------+----------------+ |
+---------------->--------------------+------------------->-----+
+--|--+
| and |
+--|--+
+--------+--------+---------+-+------------+
+----|-----++--|---+ +--|----+ +----|----+ +-----|----------------+
|demolishes||breaks| |twists | | strains | |suffers a heart attack|
|a shoe |+--|---+ +--|----+ +----|----+ +----|----------------+
+|---------+ +-+----+---+---+-------+ +------------+
|+----------|++----|---++--|--++---|--++-------+------++----|----+
||the compass||an ankle||a leg||an arm||but carries on||and dies |
|+--------|--++----|---++--|--++---|--++-------|------+|(THE END)|
+---------+--------+----+--+-------+-----------+ +---------+
|
+--------------+------+
+--|--+ +--|--+
| but | | and |
+--|--+ +--|--+
+-------+----------+ +----+-------+----+----------------+--------+
| soldiers on, and | +----|-----+ +----|--------++------|------+ |
+-------|----------+ |decides to| |has to retire||is found by | |
+-------+-----------+ |give up | |hurt (DNF) ||search party | |
|finishes the course| | (DNF) | +-------------+| (DNF) | |
| (THE END?) | +----------+ +-------------+ |
+-------|-----------+ +---------------------+-----------+
+--|--+ +-------------|----------+ +--------|-----------+
| but | | has to blow on whistle | | found wandering in |
+--|--+ | (DNF) | | a daze (DNF) |
| +------------------------+ +--------------------+
+----+----+---------+------------+-----------+------------+
+--|----++---|---++----|-----++-----|-----++----|------++----|----+
|missed ||punched||gets found||has indeci-||team member|| course |
|out a ||wrong || out for || pherable ||gets disqu-||gets in-|
|control||control||cheating || clips ||alified ||validated|
| (DSQ) || (DSQ) || (DSQ) || (DSQ) || (DSQ) ||(THE END)|
+-------++-------++----------++-----------++-----------++---------+



Show Profile  Neil K Posted: 9 October 2008, 12:54 AM  
Somebody walking around origin results board (19,000 people) with a hole in their O pants and genitals hanging out all day.

Show Profile  Paul I Posted: 9 October 2008, 2:23 AM  
I thought that was normal in sweden

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